Overcoming The Fear Of Motherhood
Almost one year ago, I met my son for the first time. It’s so wild to think that it’s only been one year, because it feels like I’ve known him my whole life. But that day, while I was waiting to meet him, I had so many questions swirling in my head…
What would he look like?
What would be his favorite food?
Would he think his Dad is funny?
Would he like Drake?
Would he like my cooking?
But also (and a big also), would I truly be happy being a mom?
A year later, I almost know all the answers…he’s cute as hell, loves bananas and almond butter, prefers Take Care over Nothing Was The Same, thinks his Dad is hilarious, and likes my cooking but really LOVES the bananas and almond butter.
That last question is a big one. And the answer to that one is that I love it.
Which is still crazy to think, because there was a point in my life (not very long ago) that I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to be a mom. It scared me. It made me nervous about how it would affect my work, my relationships, and myself. I talked about this on the Well / Aware podcast this week. Lindsay Mueller (the host) and I got pretty deep on the topic of motherhood, not wanting to be pregnant, and how it’s also really cool to not have kids either (don’t let people tell you otherwise). And the tears got pretty real when I talked about how special Sid is to me. We also talk about wavy hair and sugar, if babies aren’t your thing.
You can listen to the episode here.
P.S. Happy Birthday Sid!!!
8 Comments
Pastaveia
October 5, 2015Wow, Jessica! I’m totally heading over to checkout this conversation. I too have a little fear and anxiety about motherhood. Thanks for sharing!
Jessica
October 9, 2015YES! Think you will enjoy.
Pastaveia
October 6, 2015Thank you, thank you for sharing such an open, honest and deep conversation with us in this podcast.
I’m 32 and as my gyn reminded me at my pap last month, that I should “really consider my options, since I’m approaching the end of my window” (now that I say/type that out loud, I should really consider getting a new gyn).
I’ve had friends “wish” babies on me (saying things like “oh I can’t wait until you have kids-‘say goodbye to free time/hobbies/yoga’–cause you won’t have time”) or people who don’t know me and find out I’ve been married since 2002 and don’t have kids, they assume I’m baron. I too have had rumors spread about me and why I don’t have kids.
I hope people hear this conversation and take note and rethink their responses on the subject.
Jessica
October 9, 2015Pastaveia, oh you have plenty of time…no matter what you decide to do. Have kids or don’t have kids. And if you do, knowing you…you’ll figure out how to still do it all and still have time with your man too. Thanks for your openness here and sharing your story too.
Nissrine @ Harmony a la Carte
January 5, 2016Another great post Jessica. I’ve been asking myself similar questions as the due date gets closer and closer. So many mixed emotions of fear, anxiety, excitement and sheer joy all at once. I can’t wait to find my answers.
Jessica
January 12, 2016Nissrine, it might be weird and confusing at first. But you’ll figure it out. Please share more during your process!
lisa smoler
April 13, 2016hi jessica–i’ve been following your adoption story ever since it came up in a feed on instagram right after sid arrived… i have wanted to adopt my whole life! and i’m finally teady to get the ball in motion. can u privately recommend the agency or process u guys used? i’d love some direction and i know that’s a personal question coming from a complete stranger…so feel no pressure to respond or divulge. thanks for the inspiration!!
Jessica
April 20, 2016Lisa, I don’t mind sharing this at all! I’ve already stated it in other pieces I’ve written, so happy to post in the comments. We used the Cradle. They are an IL agency. We did an open adoption with Sid, so we have a relationship with his birth mom. It was the best decision ever. I’m not sure where you live, but if you do live in IL, I would highly suggest The Cradle. They have free informational meetings. I would also suggest checking out the book Instant Mom. It’s a memoir/informational book by Nia Vardalos about her journey to do foster to adopt. This is another great option for bringing a child into our life that people don’t know a lot about. http://www.amazon.com/Instant-Mom-Nia-Vardalos/dp/0062231847
There aren’t that many good/cool resources out there about the adoption process – so I think the best thing to do is to actually visit agencies and do their intro classes and get a vibe for which agency is best for you.
Also, I did this piece on Mind Body Green that talks a lot about costs and questions: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-22884/my-son-is-adopted-here-are-the-questions-im-constantly-asked-what-id-really.html